Your Dissertation

For more information, see the policy on doctoral/master’s committees.We encourage you to read through these requirements before you start writing.This advice in this guide will help you apply your research skills to finding a question, planning, conducting, and communicating your research, and completing your project successfully.

For more information, see the policy on doctoral/master’s committees.We encourage you to read through these requirements before you start writing.This advice in this guide will help you apply your research skills to finding a question, planning, conducting, and communicating your research, and completing your project successfully.

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Day 751: It’s been two years and you’ve only managed to write ten pages.

You also get fired from Wendy’s for hiding library books in the walk-in refrigerator.

You figure this should give you enough time to finish your first chapter. Day 183,260: You meet the man in the silver suit again. On the outside, the universe approaches maximum entropy and heat death.

He tells you he is researching the space-time continuum. Day 27,145,729: You find yourself in a pocket outside of space and time. There are no more stars, or planets, or dissertation committees.

You spot a poster looking for volunteers for a scientific experiment at the university.

Desperate for some kind of change in your life, you email the lead scientist.

Day 752: The scientist running the experiment tells you she’s working on cryogenic freezing. The screen on the cryogenic chamber says that 500 years have passed. You are trying to calculate how many semesters worth of tuition you owe when a man in a silver suit grabs your arm and pulls you out of the chamber.

She wants to freeze you for a month and you’ll get 0. Day 183,245: The man in the silver suit explains that the scientist who froze you was denied tenure and quit academia.

Day 8: After several days testing out cafés, you finally settle on a table at the Wendy’s across the street from your apartment.

You will also get a discount on Frostys and baked potatoes, which is the only thing you have eaten for the past four months.