Tags: Cahsee Essay ExamplesBusiness Plan Exit Strategy SampleBend It Like Beckham Cultural Conflict EssayRelationship Between Decision Making And Critical ThinkingAmerican Childhood Annie Dillard EssayWriting Undergraduate Dissertation Proposal
Time whizzed by swiftly and we were forced to tend to the grueling task of untangling our aching frames, stiffened from prolonged straining positions.”The above introduction does a much better job of engaging the reader.
However, by adding such a short and bland introduction, he has decreased the effectiveness of his personal statement.
It is sometimes unnecessary to establish context right away.
This applicant lets the reader know the setting—his French class—even though he never explicitly states the location of the story.
He paints a vivid picture in the reader’s mind while incorporating the element of mystery, as the reader wonders what further action will occur, as well as what the point of this anecdote will ultimately be.
One effective way to grab the reader’s attention is to describe the action of your story.
Consider this applicant’s introduction:“‘Breez in and breez out.If there is something unique about yourself that is also relevant to your essay, then by all means start with that!You’re up against hundreds, if not thousands, of other applicants, so whatever makes you stand out from the crowd is going to work in your favor.The location of my school, only a few blocks from the University of Oregon, is greatly responsible for the social atmosphere.Whereas the other high schools in town draw mainly from middle-class white suburban families, mine sits in the division between the poor west university neighborhood and the affluent east university one.Clear yor mind by zinking of somezing plasant.’ For five minutes, all of us found ourselves sitting cross-legged on the floor with a soft, sleepy look on our faces as we subconsciously nodded to the soothing rhythmic voice of our French teacher.Our heads were still half wafting in the delicious swirls of dreamland, barely dwelling in the bittersweet shock of reality.Nine stitches and thirteen years later, while I no longer attempt to be stronger than steel or faster than a speeding bullet, I still find myself testing my limits, mental and physical.”This applicant takes a similar approach:“I am an addict.I tell people I could stop anytime, but deep inside, I know I am lying.On the west side of my school there are many dirty apartments; crime is high and social status is low.”Here, the writer engages the reader by providing a vivid description of the locale of his home and school.He probably felt he needed the introductory paragraph so the reader would not be confused by his second paragraph.